Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

The Disquiet in Men

Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

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Working with your Disquiet takes humility

Saturday, May 26th, 2007

I have written often about the sense of personal failure and shame that accompanies the feelings of Disquiet in a man’s life. In many of the interviews I’ve been conducting as part of my study, men describe this sense of personal failure that goes right to the core sense of what it means to be a man.

When a man feels he is no longer successful in his career or other aspects of his life, despite all the trappings of hard-won accomplishments, there is often a feeling that something is wrong with him. Many report feeling embarrassed to be telling me that they feel lost when they have everything one could want in life. “What is wrong with me?” is the most frequently voiced lament that I hear with my clients.

For a man to successfully work with his Disquiet, there needs to be a fresh and open mind for learning. That is pretty hard to do when you feel like you have been a failure. So the first thing we work on is understanding that having Disquiet in your life does not mean you are a failure. On the contrary, the Disquiet is a powerful feedback mechanism telling you where your life may have gone off course. If you are listening and willing to learn from it, you are taking a very powerful step to taking charge of your life.

To do this though, a man must turn down the volume of his ego’s need to get it right, look good or be smooth about it. The act of learning to listen to where you are out of synch with what is most important to you takes courage and openness. It takes a willingness to look at some raw stuff and be able to be awkward as you learn a new way to go in your life.

That takes humility.

How do you bring humility to your Disquiet?

  • Accept that your Disquiet does not mean you are a failure for the reasons mentioned above.
  • Know that you are not the only one struggling with Disquiet. It is a common condition. Read my report on this.
  • Learn how not engaging in your Disquiet not only causes you suffering but is impacting your family, you friends and even society.
  • Begin to explore how you can “get out of your own way”. What do I mean? When I forget that I am supported in life by my spiritual beliefs and that my God-given talents and gifts are an expression of that support, I can relax a bit. I then can experience a clarity of direction and action. My effectiveness goes way up. And I have a sense of living life in a very full and powerful way. I will be writing more about how to get out of your own way. Stay tuned.

What does bringing humility to this work mean for you?

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