Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

The Disquiet in Men

Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

Archive for the 'Working with change' Category

Words of wisdom from Steve Jobs

Saturday, November 29th, 2008

Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech at Stanford University. I thought his wisdom applied very well to the struggle with the Disquiet.

“Stay hungry, stay foolish”

How to tune into the Disquiet

Saturday, August 16th, 2008

I talk a lot about the way to work with your Disquiet is to listen to its messages. Easier said than done! What’s the difference between your gut instincts or intuition and the old voices in your head telling you what you should and shouldn’t do?

When you are trying to figure out a course of action, it sometimes gets challenging to sort out all the messages swirling around in your head. How do I know I am not mistaking wisdom for laziness or plain old fear? How can I tell the difference between impulses and good judgment? How do I not mistake a message of making a change because I just don’t like something or is it the smart thing to do?


Making the big change – stories from the front

Friday, February 29th, 2008

If you haven’t been to for while, I recommend a visit. Wesley and Greg have done an amazing job of building a information-packed community center dealing with midlife issues in all its forms. The subject of changing careers recently came up. Wesley writes:

“Changing careers in middle age is very different than in the life periods before or after. Middle age is traditionally the peak earning period in most people’s careers. It is the time when workers achieve their highest rank, their fattest salaries, and their most prestigious achievements. But it’s also the time that we have perspective on what makes us happy and if our current career path doesn’t entail sufficient satisfaction (or future promise), then for many of us it’s time to make a change.

This is the dilemma I hear from many of my clients. I experienced it myself: A deep itch to change directions but the prospect is terrifying. Some ultimately jump, some don’t. The ones that follow their calling (myself included) don’t have an easy time of it. But most of us experience feeling more aligned and more alive than before.

Those that don’t change, well, some have to deaden their pain to be able to keep plodding. The golden handcuffs of nearing retirement or just needing to feel safe keep their hearts in check.

Wesley has a call out for stories of real experiences. Check them out – reports from the trenches of changing careers. It’s aptly titled, ” The good, bad and ugly“. Add your own .

And let us know what you think! What is going on for you?

What are key skills in working with important change?

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

The answer: Go deep and hold the paradoxes.

This wisdom comes from Philosopher Peter Koestenbaum, who works with business leaders trying to lead more effectively. In an article “Do You Have the Will to Lead? in February’s issue of Fast Company (here is the full article), Koestenbaum proposes you must answer the deep questions inside.

Philosopher Peter Koestenbaum poses the truly big questions: How do we act when risks seem overwhelming? What does it mean to be a successful human being?
His agenda: to apply the power of philosophy to the big question of the day — how to reconcile the often-brutal realities of business with basic human values — and to create a new language of effective leadership. “Unless the distant goals of meaning, greatness, and destiny are addressed,” Koestenbaum insists, “we can’t make an intelligent decision about what to do tomorrow morning — much less set strategy for a company or for a human life. Nothing is more practical than for people to deepen themselves. The more you understand the human condition, the more effective you are as a businessperson. Human depth makes business sense.” 


Can’t go back – and that’s good

Sunday, August 12th, 2007

As you become more aware of the Disquiet (articles about the Disquiet here) in your life and its costs to you and others, there is frequently a wish that you didn’t know about it.  OR a greater desire to go back to “simpler times”.  We all fantasize about the times when we weren’t suffering and life wasn’t so complicated or hard. I frequently get messages like this:  

How do I get back to the person I was and really and truly enjoyed?   I use to love life, had a lot of fun, and truly enjoyed who I was. Very little of that still exists”


…and courage

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

To continue an ongoing discussion that emerged from an earlier post: I wrote about humility being a necessary part to work with the Disquiet (read here). Adam at Monk at Work came back with a great comment that led me to write about the Disquiet not as a sign that something’s wrong but a wonderful Geiger counter of sorts signaling you when you are out of synch with your deepest values and callings (read here).

Adam built on this at his blog and came up with 3 important action steps that could be very useful when working with the Disquiet:

How to Follow the Lonely

If you’ve got a feeling that you’re missing something, doing something wrong, or you just feel bugged about your course through life, then you just may need to “follow the lonely.”