Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

The Disquiet in Men

Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

Archive for the 'Women & family' Category

Digging in – another cost to not heeding your Disquiet

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

One of the gut-ripping, walking the floor at 2am is the shame that often pops up with The Disquiet.  Dr. Brown has done important research around this.  Shame is tied to being vulnerable, the very last thing most of us wants to be when in the midst of this experience.

This sense of shame is often associated with the crisis that comes with questioning the very things that brought success that feel empty, or the feeling of being out of step with the world are important forces that cause problems when ignored.

If this resonates, check out her other videos and books.  While her major focus is working issues of shame with women, she makes some important distinctions that are useful here.  In other videos, she makes some interesting comaprisons of how men and women deal with shame differently.

Dr Brene Brown on shame and vulnerability

4 keys to productive communication

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

Womans_Button.gifETD # 19 How to know what to say and when to say it

You can listen to this episode by clicking on the prompt above. To learn how you can automatically get new episodes for free to download to your MP3 player or computer, check out the sidebar to the right. Hint: Many of my listeners enjoy burning several on a CD and listening to them in their car.

“I only told the truth. I did the right thing. Now he’s all upset. He just doesn’t want to hear the truth. He can’t handle the truth. Now what do I do?”

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Husband struggling with his Disquiet? Get a massage!

Wednesday, April 11th, 2007

Womans_Button.gifI receive a lot of emails from wives and partners of men suffering with their Disquiet. They are worried about their husbands and don’t know how to help. There are things they can do (see “What if I think my husband is having a midlife crisis?” part 1 and part 2). But what I stress as critical is for them to get support and do things that help nourish themselves.

Like any caregiver situation, the person giving the support often gets so drained they lose their ability to support. See the recent news article about partners of cancer patients suffering from depression.

So when your mate is suffering for along time – get support, either from a friend or a professional. And whether it’s a long run or just a period of unrest, get a massage!

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We shower differently

Friday, April 6th, 2007

Here is something just for the fun of it. The never-ending exploration of the differences between men and women often go to great lengths to try to remove those differences. Truth is, we are wired differently. Here is a funny look that celebrates those differences in the most naked way: How men and women shower differently. Enjoy the fun!

How To Shower – Men & Women
02:57 – February 19, 2007

Thanks to kinkykayla1987 for the YouTube video.

What if I think my husband is having a midlife crisis? Part 2

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Womans_Button.gifTo continue the discussion started earlier in Part 1, here are some things you can do:

Ask questions, but in a way that helps.

It is important to open up the communication between the two of you. I am not going to kid you, this can be really hard. I know if my significant other starts asking me about what is going on, probing my feelings and demanding an explanations about something I don’t understand in myself, I am going to go underground or get resentful. I will feel the extra burden of feeling pressured. So this is tricky. How do you connect, show you care and are concerned, but give him room. Some tips:

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What do I do if I think my husband is having a midlife crisis?

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

Womans_Button.gif[This is from an article I wrote for LifeTwo, a great resource for information about midlife crisis, midlife career changes and midlife health.]

“What do I do?” That question arises usually after a husband has become a Dr Jelly/Mr. Hyde, switching from his “normal, old self” to a screaming abusive monster over the slightest trigger. Or, at the other extreme, he becomes withdrawn and non-communicative. And then the times when it’s too late, he has fallen for a young woman, had an affair and run off leaving you and the kids.
And even if it’s not too late, what can a spouse do?

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