Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

The Disquiet in Men

Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

Archive for the 'Men’s Roles' Category

Digging in – another cost to not heeding your Disquiet

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

One of the gut-ripping, walking the floor at 2am is the shame that often pops up with The Disquiet.  Dr. Brown has done important research around this.  Shame is tied to being vulnerable, the very last thing most of us wants to be when in the midst of this experience.

This sense of shame is often associated with the crisis that comes with questioning the very things that brought success that feel empty, or the feeling of being out of step with the world are important forces that cause problems when ignored.

If this resonates, check out her other videos and books.  While her major focus is working issues of shame with women, she makes some important distinctions that are useful here.  In other videos, she makes some interesting comaprisons of how men and women deal with shame differently.

Dr Brene Brown on shame and vulnerability


Sunday, June 17th, 2007

What a great day this is!

I always remember receiving little mystery bundles in torn paper bound and sealed from yards of scotch tape, some smeared with fingerprints of peanut butter. Inside are Dad-Treasures. Some of my favorites that I received over the years:

A wild psychedelic necktie made of wallpaper with the message of love written on the back.

A plaster hand print

An OJ can wrapped in construction paper transforming it into a pencil holder with a message, “You’re Thumbody Special” next to a black smeared thumb print.

A custom-mixed CD compilation of songs I should be introduced to

And a rubber life-like Big Mouth Bass mounted on a plague that sings and dances.

A box of a thousand-plus golf tees in fluorescent colors with a gold embossed seal embossed with: “World’s Greatest Dad” .

All treasures.

It is also a day of remembering my Dad. The tough times and struggles all sift away leaving gold nuggets: funny and touching stories of a guy trying his best to be a good father.

As I wander through the day, visiting the farmer’s market and then going out to dinner, I see other Dads with smiling faces. They received their treasures today as well. And a knowing nod as we pass. “We band of brothers“.

Here’s to Dads everywhere. There may be Disquiet in your life and you may be struggling to work with it. But also remember to take a break and put the burden down for a day. Take in and appreciate what you do have.

Enjoy those Dad-treasures.

Happy Father’s Day!

Do you remember war movies?

Saturday, April 14th, 2007


It’s a rainy Saturday afternoon and in the east, we are hunkering down for a major storm. I love rainy Saturday afternoons. It reminds me of when I was a kid, I loved flopping on the couch and watching war movies. There was nothing better.

Somehow I feel like that should be a secret. It’s like that somehow detracts from my often-stated personal values and is not what I should be enjoying for entertainment.

Now, I look back on that great memory and I am a bit embarrassed. I have to admit I still love the idea of a war movie marathon. It doesn’t exactly fit with my commitments to ease suffering and interests in personal development and freedom, but it’s the truth.


We shower differently

Friday, April 6th, 2007

Here is something just for the fun of it. The never-ending exploration of the differences between men and women often go to great lengths to try to remove those differences. Truth is, we are wired differently. Here is a funny look that celebrates those differences in the most naked way: How men and women shower differently. Enjoy the fun!

How To Shower – Men & Women
02:57 – February 19, 2007

Thanks to kinkykayla1987 for the YouTube video.

The high cost of not engaging our Disquiet

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

We have explored the personal hell that you can experience when the messages and signals to listen to your Disquiet go unheeded. The self doubts, feeling lost and questioning of purpose that toss you around in the middle of the night. And the messes in your life that can be created by taking unwise actions trying to dull or eradicate the pain with quick fixes or band-aids. Jumping into actions like rashly quitting a job, having an affair, leaving a marriage, extreme risk-taking and generally acting like an ass who is pretending to be 28 again.

But what about the pain and suffering to those you love? How does our lack of engaging our Disquiet impact our effectiveness as a dad?

Here is a rare chance to see that impact.


Meet some talented people making a difference

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

One of the key elements I have found in my ongoing work with men and their Disquiet, is the strong desire to be doing work that makes a difference or matters. As we get older, we start realizing the things that seemed to mean so much to us in our early career building years just don’t seem to be as important. We start asking questions like, what else is there for me to do? How can I make a difference? Where do I find meaning? We start thinking about our legacy. How can we leave this place a bit better after our time here?

Acting on these questions often leads us to new ways of living and finding new communities to both support and be supported. We start meeting people who are asking the same questions and are each trying to do something that answers them.