Wise Inaction: Knowing when not to act

“What should I do?” My client was almost begging me for an answer. He was really frustrated. “I keep playing the pros and the cons out about taking the new position and I can argue both ways! This is driving me crazy!!!! I need to stop feeling like I am dying in my job, I need something fresh. But I don’t know about this offer. The money’s good and I need the change, but I’ve heard the boss is a jerk and others have left because of him. But I need to do something! I have to make a decision now and get on with it!”

“Do you?” I asked. He looked at me with surprise and a touch of annoyance. “What if you didn’t do anything….for a while?” I thought he was going to slug me.

Have you ever been in a situation like my client’s? Locked up in total stalemate about a decision? You feel the pressure to get into action, but what action? You can argue both sides and it makes you want to throw something in frustration. My client was desperate to get into action – almost any action at this point.

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Disquiet and the Holidays

Alister Sim as Scrooge
1951
www.cedmagic.com

I want to just go to an island without colored light-strings, department store carols, or the TV screaming at me to buy stuff at 1am for the best deals. I don’t want to watch all my favorite shows get mushy and sugary with fake snow and jingle bells in their soundtracks.

I actually seem angry when I daydream about Christmases past. I can’t seem to connect to anything good about it at all. So strange! I remember last Christmas when I was singing carols, buying Starbucks for strangers and loving every ritual and icon. What’s wrong with me?

Have you ever felt that way? Felt totally out of step with where everyone else seemed to be? Like the whole world was happy and you weren’t?

After working with my Disquietâ„¢ for years now, I recognize what is happening and know what to do. But in holidays past, I was confused and worried. And that only added about a ton of weight to an already overwhelming load of unease.

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A core practice for working with your Disquiet

Have you ever been thrown off balance by something coming
out of left field? Do you remember that sick feeling in
your gut when you got blind-sided by some news or event
that paralyzed you? I sure do. It’s easy for me to
remember those times.

In particular, there was this one time: I was humming
through my morning. One of those great-to-be-alive, sun
filled, all is good in the world mornings. Even the
traffic gave me a break. Whistling as I walked into my
office building, I knew I was going to get a lot done that
day.

Then BAM. The first message in my voice mail froze me.
The boss wanted to see me ASAP in his office. My throat
went dry, my skin felt prickly and I could feel my
intestines knot. As I sped-walked to the front office, my
mind was on fast- rewind searching all the possible things that
could have gone wrong. “What was it?” (more…)

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The lost art of hanging out

When you were growing up, do you remember the great jokes
and exotic smells in barbershops? Or the sense of real
adventure in discovering treasures at the hardware store?
And how much you learned about women, politics and economics
at the garage?

These were the places where growing up, I learned about
what it means to be a man. Going with my Dad to get a
haircut, hunt for a valve for the leaky toilet or sitting
on a step drinking a coke and hanging on every word of
conversation echoing in the garage, were times when I learned
a lot. (more…)

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