My sons are young men nearing 20 and 17. Some would say a dad’s influence and ability to teach their children anything at these ages is pretty much over. I disagree. There are still things to learn about life and about how to be good men.

There are not many rituals or other ways that society has to mark a boy’s transition into manhood these days. Being able to vote, serve in the military, and be prosecuted as an adult are pretty much the only markers of achieving adulthood. What about manhood? What is the rite of passage? And what transmission of knowledge about what it means to be a good man occurs? What is my role as a father to teach his boys how to be men? (more…)

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Disquiet and the Holidays

Alister Sim as Scrooge
1951
www.cedmagic.com

I want to just go to an island without colored light-strings, department store carols, or the TV screaming at me to buy stuff at 1am for the best deals. I don’t want to watch all my favorite shows get mushy and sugary with fake snow and jingle bells in their soundtracks.

I actually seem angry when I daydream about Christmases past. I can’t seem to connect to anything good about it at all. So strange! I remember last Christmas when I was singing carols, buying Starbucks for strangers and loving every ritual and icon. What’s wrong with me?

Have you ever felt that way? Felt totally out of step with where everyone else seemed to be? Like the whole world was happy and you weren’t?

After working with my Disquietâ„¢ for years now, I recognize what is happening and know what to do. But in holidays past, I was confused and worried. And that only added about a ton of weight to an already overwhelming load of unease.

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A core practice for working with your Disquiet

Have you ever been thrown off balance by something coming
out of left field? Do you remember that sick feeling in
your gut when you got blind-sided by some news or event
that paralyzed you? I sure do. It’s easy for me to
remember those times.

In particular, there was this one time: I was humming
through my morning. One of those great-to-be-alive, sun
filled, all is good in the world mornings. Even the
traffic gave me a break. Whistling as I walked into my
office building, I knew I was going to get a lot done that
day.

Then BAM. The first message in my voice mail froze me.
The boss wanted to see me ASAP in his office. My throat
went dry, my skin felt prickly and I could feel my
intestines knot. As I sped-walked to the front office, my
mind was on fast- rewind searching all the possible things that
could have gone wrong. “What was it?” (more…)

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Ways not to handle your Disquietâ„¢

I have been asked to write a series of articles exploring what one can do about their mid-life crisis on lifetwo.com, a website exploring the mid-life crisis (MLC). I have started by describing what not to do. Sometimes its easier to get into a rich topic by talking about the opposite. I copied the article in its entirety here (it’s a two-parter on lifetwo.com).

In this post article, I swapped out the phrase “mid-life crisis” for the word “Disquiet”. However, I do not believe they are the same. I believe that a mid-life crisis comes from ignoring your Disquiet. However, in discussing what not to do, the wisdom applies to both.

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I have been writing a bit about the male mid-life crisis (MLC) and how it’s seen as a joke in the media and in our culture. Underneath the joke is a pretty significant life event. In an article I wrote at LifeTwo.com, I said:

Jokes aside, the MLC is a hugely spiritual happening. Maybe the word “crisis” is the problem. It evokes the feeling of an emergency that was unplanned. Like a hurricane that comes out of no where and destroys the town.

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“FIRE AND MOTION”
This Disquiet, as I have described in detail here in my web site, is a restlessness or unease that many men have. It’s tied to our sense of success professionally and as men. Many of us have tried to ignore it, distract or numb the pain of it or learned to engage the wisdom in it.

Ignoring it is short-lived. The Disquiet gets worse. It may go underground and become a private-no-one-knows rumbling background of dissatisfaction - but it’s there. You can feel it.

Suppressing it - that’s where we jump into using anything we can find to distract or numb the pain of the unease. Favorite flavors? Alcohol, drugs, TV, sex, food, gambling, hi-risk sports and behavior. Nothing wrong with most of them, but it’s bad when they become a drug of choice we become addicted to in trying to kill the pain.

That leaves the recommended action - ENGAGE IT. You can read why its important in all the content here at this site. It’s the wise choice.

But how? Where do you start? If you have tried, have you ever felt stuck? Like it’s a hamster wheel and you can’t get off?

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