I receive a lot of emails from wives whose husbands have left them or are discovered having an affair.  “He must be having a midlife crisis”.

Is it?  In a NY Times article, Dr Richard Friedman, a professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, challenges the notion. In discussing one case similar to the emails I mentioned, he described it as “this was a garden-variety case of a middle-aged narcissist grappling with the biggest insult he had ever faced: getting older.

He goes on to write, “Why do we have to label a common reaction of the male species to one of life’s challenges — the boredom of the routine — as a crisis? True, men are generally more novelty-seeking than women, but they certainly can decide what they do with their impulses.”

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What a great day this is!

I always remember receiving little mystery bundles in torn paper bound and sealed from yards of scotch tape, some smeared with fingerprints of peanut butter. Inside are Dad-Treasures. Some of my favorites that I received over the years:

A wild psychedelic necktie made of wallpaper with the message of love written on the back.

A plaster hand print

An OJ can wrapped in construction paper transforming it into a pencil holder with a message, “You’re Thumbody Special” next to a black smeared thumb print.

A custom-mixed CD compilation of songs I should be introduced to

And a rubber life-like Big Mouth Bass mounted on a plague that sings and dances.

A box of a thousand-plus golf tees in fluorescent colors with a gold embossed seal embossed with: “World’s Greatest Dad” .

All treasures.

It is also a day of remembering my Dad. The tough times and struggles all sift away leaving gold nuggets: funny and touching stories of a guy trying his best to be a good father.

As I wander through the day, visiting the farmer’s market and then going out to dinner, I see other Dads with smiling faces. They received their treasures today as well. And a knowing nod as we pass. “We band of brothers“.

Here’s to Dads everywhere. There may be Disquiet in your life and you may be struggling to work with it. But also remember to take a break and put the burden down for a day. Take in and appreciate what you do have.

Enjoy those Dad-treasures.

Happy Father’s Day!

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It has been a couple of months since I brought you resources from the web.  Here is the latest of the best out there for help in working your Disquiet and your life.

I have seen what Jonathan from Leadership Turn points out about leaders working longer hours and getting more stressed than ever.  I like his idea about finding your “prime time”.  Check it out in Are you working Smart or Dangerously Hard?

Continuing with the theme of stress, Robyn of Brain Based Biz, has a great collection of articles.  There is a test you can take to check on your level of burnout.  Why?

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 Podcast [5:04m]: Play Now | Download

ETD # 19 How to know what to say and when to say it

You can listen to this episode by clicking on the prompt above. To learn how you can automatically get new episodes for free to download to your MP3 player or computer, check out the sidebar to the right. Hint: Many of my listeners enjoy burning several on a CD and listening to them in their car.

“I only told the truth. I did the right thing. Now he’s all upset. He just doesn’t want to hear the truth. He can’t handle the truth. Now what do I do?”

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Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you were working, you just weren’t showing up all that great? I have. I’ve worked on projects where I felt cursed. The best of me just couldn’t surface. It was like doing everything with one hand tied behind my back and my shoes on backwards.

Or where all of a sudden you felt like you were the only one left on the planet after some sci-fi disaster turned everyone else into zombies? I have. There are times when I feel like no one really understood me.  I felt small and ineffectual.

I believe this is what happens when we don’t have enough of the people and things in our lives that reflect back to us the best part of ourselves. There is nothing like engaging in great creative brainstorming sessions with colleagues who really value your talents. Or hanging with friends who just get you and you can feel that deep in your gut.
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To continue the discussion started earlier in Part 1, here are some things you can do:

Ask questions, but in a way that helps.

It is important to open up the communication between the two of you. I am not going to kid you, this can be really hard. I know if my significant other starts asking me about what is going on, probing my feelings and demanding an explanations about something I don’t understand in myself, I am going to go underground or get resentful. I will feel the extra burden of feeling pressured. So this is tricky. How do you connect, show you care and are concerned, but give him room. Some tips:

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