I talk a lot about the way to work with your Disquiet is to listen to its messages. Easier said than done! What’s the difference between your gut instincts or intuition and the old voices in your head telling you what you should and shouldn’t do?

When you are trying to figure out a course of action, it sometimes gets challenging to sort out all the messages swirling around in your head. How do I know I am not mistaking wisdom for laziness or plain old fear? How can I tell the difference between impulses and good judgment? How do I not mistake a message of making a change because I just don’t like something or is it the smart thing to do?

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I have been getting a lot of emails lately from people sharing what they are doing in trying to work with their Disquiet. I found myself referring back to an article I had written a while ago. So I thought it might be helpful to dust it off and re-post it here.

Ways not to handle your Disquiet

Working through your Disquiet is tricky. It is a very personal and isolating experience. Like transitions at other times of our life, navigating midlife is confusing and challenging. We are almost hard-wired with the thinking that if we are suffering, there must be a problem. And if there is a problem, it should be quickly figured out and resolved.

I have written a lot here how I believe what we have come to describe as the mid-life crisis (MLC) comes form ignoring the signals of the Disquiet. There is a lot of information out there on how to deal with your MLC, what to do and even think. There is not much written or said about what to watch for or avoid. Here are some tips from my learnings, personal experiences and from working with others.

Don’t do any of these regarding your Disquiet:

~Ignore it
~Jump into re-action
~Drug it
~Make fun of it
~Take it on alone
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The answer: Go deep and hold the paradoxes.

This wisdom comes from Philosopher Peter Koestenbaum, who works with business leaders trying to lead more effectively. In an article “Do You Have the Will to Lead? in February’s issue of Fast Company (here is the full article), Koestenbaum proposes you must answer the deep questions inside.

Philosopher Peter Koestenbaum poses the truly big questions: How do we act when risks seem overwhelming? What does it mean to be a successful human being?
His agenda: to apply the power of philosophy to the big question of the day — how to reconcile the often-brutal realities of business with basic human values — and to create a new language of effective leadership. “Unless the distant goals of meaning, greatness, and destiny are addressed,” Koestenbaum insists, “we can’t make an intelligent decision about what to do tomorrow morning — much less set strategy for a company or for a human life. Nothing is more practical than for people to deepen themselves. The more you understand the human condition, the more effective you are as a businessperson. Human depth makes business sense.” 

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I am re-posting this earlier article because this is such a good resouce for men with Disquiet. It is now standard issue for my clients.

A book I highly recommend for understanding and working with the Disquiet is Thomas Moore‘s latest book, “The Dark Nights of the Soul, a Guide to Finding Your Way Thorough Life’s Ordeals” This is a great book by a great writer. Some you may know him from an earlier important work, “Care of the Soul ” .

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Hey I won another award – The Thinking Blogger Award for writing a blog that promotes new thinking.

Recognition from fellow bloggers is an honor. The award originated with The Thinking Blog. Thanks to the great blog When Least Expected for the recognition. Manchild writes there as a ministry.

I would like to recognize 3 blogs that I think make a real contribution and are worthy of the award as well:

dawudmiracle.com for cutting a whole new path in relationship building to grow your business in the blogosphere. He is a pioneer and his blog is hugely read for its innovative thinking.

Monk at Work shows you how to bring your heart to business. Adam is a master at helping you sharpen and increase your effectiveness with your intuition.

Conscious Cooperation for bringing a new way to communicate and work with integrity in the construction business.

Dawud, Adam and Stuart, you can click here to see more about your award.

Folks, these blogs are creating conversations that make a difference. Check them out!

Last week’s article about not waiting to live your life brought in a guest’s comment that really speaks to working with your Disquiet. You will see his post below.

Frank wrote the following:

I am flirting with retirement at the moment. I switched jobs from a high paying software development job where I spent my days in my cellar office, alone with no one to talk to and only an occasional call about “new software problems” to resolve… to something totally different – selling stairlifts. I meet interesting people everyday, do something that directly helps people. Clients range from the Rich and Famous (authors Steven King, Ann Givens Siddons) and a bunch of CEO’s that have more money than God …. to interesting and wonderful people who can barely scrape together two cents.

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