Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

The Disquiet in Men

Helping men who feel something missing in their lives

Archive for the 'Work' Category

I think this is still relevant – do you?

Friday, October 29th, 2010

I haven’t been posting much here for a while.  I have been working with business leaders around the world for some time now. I have been consumed helping them in the crisis.   As we have all been doing our best to navigate our lives in these difficult times, I have been listening to many men discuss their Disquiet.

I thought back to one of the first posts about why I was doing this work.  I think it’s more relevant than ever.  Here is what I wrote:

“What are you crazy? (more…)

Words of wisdom from Steve Jobs

Saturday, November 29th, 2008

Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech at Stanford University. I thought his wisdom applied very well to the struggle with the Disquiet.

“Stay hungry, stay foolish”

Hit the “Pause” button

Sunday, March 30th, 2008

Have you had that experience of waking in the middle of the night worrying about your life and how it’s not going right? Isn’t it amazing how you can almost feel the acceleration of the thoughts and then the panic deep in your gut flash-ignites as more and more things swoosh through your brain like a locomotive picking up speed?

That’s the Disquiet talking.

And ever catch yourself the next day as you try to delete that horrible feeling by getting busier in the day. I know I have jumped into work and activities like a madman after a night of suffering from the whirlwind of worry and fear. Like getting busier is the antidote. I think deep down I clutch at the idea that if I am busy and productive, those fears won’t come back.

But something else happened – I’d hit a wall of Disquiet. I became very dissatisfied with what I was doing. I’d often feel like a fraud. Sometimes I got angry and impatient as I ran around going through the motions of accomplishment.

That’s the Disquiet hitting back.


Making the big change – stories from the front

Friday, February 29th, 2008

If you haven’t been to for while, I recommend a visit. Wesley and Greg have done an amazing job of building a information-packed community center dealing with midlife issues in all its forms. The subject of changing careers recently came up. Wesley writes:

“Changing careers in middle age is very different than in the life periods before or after. Middle age is traditionally the peak earning period in most people’s careers. It is the time when workers achieve their highest rank, their fattest salaries, and their most prestigious achievements. But it’s also the time that we have perspective on what makes us happy and if our current career path doesn’t entail sufficient satisfaction (or future promise), then for many of us it’s time to make a change.

This is the dilemma I hear from many of my clients. I experienced it myself: A deep itch to change directions but the prospect is terrifying. Some ultimately jump, some don’t. The ones that follow their calling (myself included) don’t have an easy time of it. But most of us experience feeling more aligned and more alive than before.

Those that don’t change, well, some have to deaden their pain to be able to keep plodding. The golden handcuffs of nearing retirement or just needing to feel safe keep their hearts in check.

Wesley has a call out for stories of real experiences. Check them out – reports from the trenches of changing careers. It’s aptly titled, ” The good, bad and ugly“. Add your own .

And let us know what you think! What is going on for you?

3 Myths that might be killing you at work

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

Do you feel like you have to leave the best part of you at home while you slug it out in a job that leaves you feeling lifeless?  You are not alone.

Many of my clients report this particular form of hell.   Many feel that they are trapped having to work in an environment that does not bring out their best but they can’t afford to leave.  Others seem to hit a beyond-tolerance point and do leave but find themselves back in the same situation in the next job.

What is going on?  Why do some feel like they are cursed, experiencing the same deadening inside regardless of the job they are on?  It sounds like something out of the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.  In that movie he wakes up each day to realize it is the same day.  Despite all kinds of crazy attempts to change the day so that his life can go on, he is stuck in this weird time trap.

It may not be the job.


Are you doing work that has meaning?

Saturday, April 7th, 2007

Doing work that makes a difference is a strong driver for most of us. Yet, there is a mixed message out there that to do meaningful work means you have to sacrifice success or profit. It reminds me of the idea of the starving artist. Ever notice the reactions to either you or someone else who speaks about a desire to do work that makes a difference? Usually there is a comment or two about how wonderful and what a sacrifice it must be. I really want you to challenge that “either/or” notion.

Guy Kawasaki is a major marketing and entrepreneurial guru. He recently reinforced the importance of making meaning as a keystone for business success.

Guy’s perspective is that the core of a successful businesses is to make meaning. He says, “…those companies that are fundamentally founded to change the world, to make the world a better place, to make meaning are the companies that make a difference. They are the companies to succeed. My naive and romantic belief is that if you make meaning you will probably make money. But if you set out to make money you probably won’t make meaning and you won’t make money.”

He cites the three ways as to make meaning as: