Comments on: Are you playing it safe? http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/ A place for discussion and questions on articles, news and issues pertaining to navigating the unease in men's lives. Thu, 17 May 2012 07:32:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Jpan http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1337 Jpan Fri, 27 Apr 2007 20:29:08 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1337 Your words should be printed in the sky so more could read. Or prehaps a direct line to the brain with a side track to the heart.What a world we would have! Your words should be printed in the sky so more could read.
Or prehaps a direct line to the brain with a side track to the heart.What a world we would have!

]]> By: Deb http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1335 Deb Fri, 27 Apr 2007 15:12:42 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1335 that should read "worse pain to live your live *furled*"... that should read “worse pain to live your live *furled*”…

]]> By: Deb http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1334 Deb Fri, 27 Apr 2007 14:41:52 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1334 This is a quote I love on this topic: And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin What I like about it is the acknowledgement that there is pain either way... but how it can be worse pain to live your life unfurled. I have tended to link fear with inaction, and action with "I'll do that when I am confident, assured, and my inner weenie is completely subdued"... I began to realize that I was never fearless, and that things were a lot more fun and fulfilling when I acted even though I was afraid. To acknowledge my trepidation, but not be confined by it. This is a quote I love on this topic:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

What I like about it is the acknowledgement that there is pain either way… but how it can be worse pain to live your life unfurled. I have tended to link fear with inaction, and action with “I’ll do that when I am confident, assured, and my inner weenie is completely subdued”… I began to realize that I was never fearless, and that things were a lot more fun and fulfilling when I acted even though I was afraid. To acknowledge my trepidation, but not be confined by it.

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1323 Dave Schoof Fri, 27 Apr 2007 10:46:04 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1323 Lee - Great to know I have good timing :-) I think you capture the dance between playing it safe and listening to your calling beautifully. And following the calling doesn't mean being reckless. So we don't want to toss the baby out with the water and lose the wisdom of being cautious and prudent. But when I live <strong>from</strong> those fears and doubts, I get trapped into thinking I actually have control over how things turn out. Then I end up suffering in ways I was trying to proven  by staying safe. It's funny when you think about it - not so much when you are the middle of it :) So how do we discern wise action - when do we listen and act on what our fears tell us, or ignore them and push through? For me, that is a skill I work on - but its an internal skill - and it takes practice. What helps guide me is getting in touch with my deepest values and using them to help me decide is the fear wise or is it just being scared of something new, failing or some other natural yet unhelpful concern. Is that related to the skills you say you have been working on?. Lee - Great to know I have good timing :-)

I think you capture the dance between playing it safe and listening to your calling beautifully. And following the calling doesn’t mean being reckless. So we don’t want to toss the baby out with the water and lose the wisdom of being cautious and prudent. But when I live from those fears and doubts, I get trapped into thinking I actually have control over how things turn out.

Then I end up suffering in ways I was trying to proven  by staying safe.

It’s funny when you think about it - not so much when you are the middle of it :)

So how do we discern wise action - when do we listen and act on what our fears tell us, or ignore them and push through? For me, that is a skill I work on - but its an internal skill - and it takes practice. What helps guide me is getting in touch with my deepest values and using them to help me decide is the fear wise or is it just being scared of something new, failing or some other natural yet unhelpful concern.

Is that related to the skills you say you have been working on?.

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1322 Dave Schoof Fri, 27 Apr 2007 10:36:11 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1322 Hey Mark - when I think about what you are saying about vulnerability, I think of authenticity - the authentic self. Coming from there does have a feeling of vulnerability to it doesn't it? Paradoxically, when I feel that vulnerability, the feedback I invariably get is the other person experienced me as grounded, strong and open. I think of the classic spiritual warrior archetype - the holding of different virtues at the same time - gentle and strong, true and yet flexible. When I have the same concern you do about wearing my heart on my sleeve, I wonder if that is another fear showing up? Great discussion. And thanks for the compliment - that means a lot coming from you. Hey Mark - when I think about what you are saying about vulnerability, I think of authenticity - the authentic self. Coming from there does have a feeling of vulnerability to it doesn’t it?

Paradoxically, when I feel that vulnerability, the feedback I invariably get is the other person experienced me as grounded, strong and open. I think of the classic spiritual warrior archetype - the holding of different virtues at the same time - gentle and strong, true and yet flexible.

When I have the same concern you do about wearing my heart on my sleeve, I wonder if that is another fear showing up?

Great discussion. And thanks for the compliment - that means a lot coming from you.

]]> By: lee http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1321 lee Fri, 27 Apr 2007 09:59:04 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1321 Dave, it's weird how you post on things I'm thinking about. There's a problems with this safety is not safe idea though. Living life on more adventurous terms, doing more of what you deep down really want to do, calls for a different skill set than the skills a lot of us have been honing over the years. Let me break this down some. I find myself naturally moving toward blogging, writing, learning about internet marketing (learning HTML, CSS, PHP, plus a lot about marketing in general). In other words I find myself moving naturally moving toward a more entrepreneurial and creative life. Part of me, the safety conscious part, says I should be going in the opposite direction. Part of me wants to walk up to the edge of the cliff and look over, the other part says: "No! No! Go back! That's dangerous!" When I thought about this, though, I realized that over the years, I had not developed a certain skill set that I need to live the life that I really want to live. So, I'm developing that skill set now. Anyway, great post! You're obviously helping me clarify my own thoughts. Dave, it’s weird how you post on things I’m thinking about. There’s a problems with this safety is not safe idea though. Living life on more adventurous terms, doing more of what you deep down really want to do, calls for a different skill set than the skills a lot of us have been honing over the years. Let me break this down some. I find myself naturally moving toward blogging, writing, learning about internet marketing (learning HTML, CSS, PHP, plus a lot about marketing in general). In other words I find myself moving naturally moving toward a more entrepreneurial and creative life. Part of me, the safety conscious part, says I should be going in the opposite direction. Part of me wants to walk up to the edge of the cliff and look over, the other part says: “No! No! Go back! That’s dangerous!”

When I thought about this, though, I realized that over the years, I had not developed a certain skill set that I need to live the life that I really want to live. So, I’m developing that skill set now.

Anyway, great post! You’re obviously helping me clarify my own thoughts.

]]> By: Mark Silver http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1319 Mark Silver Fri, 27 Apr 2007 02:23:12 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/change/are-you-playing-it-safe/#comment-1319 That's a big question, Dave. :) Just this morning, fear kept me spinning in a circle worrying about how my life was going to turn out (was I going to be okay? Is there enough?). I had to take refuge in my spiritual practice (after being not-so-gently nudged and reminded by friends and family). The spiritual practice brought me through. The ironic bit about playing it safe- is that playing it safe builds up walls and barriers. And walls and barriers keep things out- everything, including the love and connection I know I want. Vulnerability is key to receiving. But, what I've seen is that it's not necessarily vulnerability 'in the world'- wearing my heart on my sleeve, although that, too, occasionally. It's more vulnerability- as you point out all the time- to engaging with what's really going on, and bringing it to the Divine. Risking the question: 'Is there love for me?' and waiting around in my heart long enough to hear the answer. thanks, Dave. This blog is one I engage with more than most, I love what you're doing. That’s a big question, Dave. :)

Just this morning, fear kept me spinning in a circle worrying about how my life was going to turn out (was I going to be okay? Is there enough?). I had to take refuge in my spiritual practice (after being not-so-gently nudged and reminded by friends and family).

The spiritual practice brought me through.

The ironic bit about playing it safe- is that playing it safe builds up walls and barriers. And walls and barriers keep things out- everything, including the love and connection I know I want.

Vulnerability is key to receiving. But, what I’ve seen is that it’s not necessarily vulnerability ‘in the world’- wearing my heart on my sleeve, although that, too, occasionally.

It’s more vulnerability- as you point out all the time- to engaging with what’s really going on, and bringing it to the Divine. Risking the question: ‘Is there love for me?’ and waiting around in my heart long enough to hear the answer.

thanks, Dave. This blog is one I engage with more than most, I love what you’re doing.

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