Helping you live in mid-life without a crisis
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“Men look like wimps and jerks on TVâ€
This was said to me recently. This sentiment has been coming up a lot lately in several interviews for my study about men’s views about success, their role as a man today and the Disquiet they have experienced.
Several have said they are angry at how the media makes fun of the kinder more sensitive man.
Raymond in “Everybody loves Raymondâ€, along with many commercials and characters, were given as examples of the media portrayal of the modern male as bumbling, dorky and clumsy in his skill in being decisive, talking about feelings and in his relationships with women.
Several of those interviewed described a catch-22, where they feel in trouble for not being sensitive, and then when they are, they are ridiculed “It’s sending confusing signals about what women want from us as well as what being a man really meansâ€, was echoed by several interviewed.
So there is confusion and frustration at the collision of old and new roles and behaviors many earnest men are trying to take on. Right now, there seems to be a nether-world where there are no clear role models and a clumsy, either I am a nice guy or a meatheadl extreme choice. Maybe it just takes time to settle into the best aspects of all the roles instead of seeing them as fool’s choice.
What do you think?
Are you struggling with what is being asked of you and how you really show up?
Do you know of any role models in today’s media that captures well, the role and behavior of the modern man?
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Tags: Men's Roles, The Disquiet, The men's study, Everybody loves Raymond, men on tv, modern man, role models
November 20th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
I think this problem goes beyond TV. I see men in activities almost play-acting out what they think the role ought to be. Going out to the game with the guys - got to drink four or more beers. Why? What does that prove for someone who doesn’t drink otherwise? How can you count on someone as a friend when their behaviour is always changing? In the end, this leaves me feeling isolated and out of place.
November 20th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
You’re right Craig. The pull to being not who we truly are really contributes to the feeling of isolation.
And the inconsistency does erode trust. Counting on that in a friend is critical. Being able to be yourself - and have that be OK with the guys is important.
December 11th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
[...] We all know the jokes and parodies of the male midlife crisis (my post about this). We enjoy the TV sitcoms that regularly milk it for all they can. Don’t dismiss the signals that something important is happening - either for yourself or others. We all enjoy humor about the struggles in life, but, when taken to an extreme, it trivializes what is really happening. [...]
February 23rd, 2007 at 4:12 am
Here’s a related post - click on the link above.