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Do you have good anger or bad anger?
In the April edition of Men’s Journal, Jason Fagone wrote an article, “The Upside of Anger“. He writes:
“Getting angry is part of being a man and it’s not always pretty. But psychologists now believe that sometimes a little anger can be a healthy thing”
The article distinguishes between “good” anger, what the psychologists call adaptive , and bad anger, which they call externalizing chronic anger. The later is bad for your health, relationships and society.
You want to channel your anger into the healthy expressions. Aristotle said it best: “be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way.” Another way of saying it - work with your anger skillfully.
It’s healthy to are harness measured bits of the anger to motivate yourself to make necessary changes in your life (i.e. get a new job, get involved in a project to right an injustice, etc.).
Examples of unhealthy anger - when its:
- Too frequent
- Too intense
- Goes on for too long
- If you self rate your anger at a 75 on a scale of 0-100
Ways to learn anger management:
Exercise - Focus on noncompetitive activities. The endorphin release is what helps.
Lifestyle changes - out of balance lifestyles lead to irritability and that slides into anger
Yoga and meditation - Changes the anger hot wiring. It also defuses the buildup of angst
Therapy - How do you know when you need help? If you feel you cannot control it and it controls you. Cognitive therapy is very effective for this.
Medication - sometimes depression can show up as rage. Antidepressants may be needed.
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Tags: Life, Resources, The Disquiet, The men's study, Working with change, anger management, resources for men, working with anger
March 28th, 2007 at 1:10 am
I love this article- it’s so true. I realized relatively recently (the last 2-3 years) that it was okay to be angry.
And, what I didn’t understand, is that I had been scared of my anger- my own anger frightened me.
This came to a head when I finally, finally just let loose and yelled at my wife, and she started laughing (because she grew up with anger in her family, it didn’t freak her out) but I actually starting… sobbing with fear.
I had scared myself!
Since then I’ve come a long way with anger, and I can express it and even enjoy it, and then it’s gone. Healthy, healthy.
One way I’ve learned to express it I’ve learned from our Non-Violent Communication (NVC) teacher, Lashelle Charde http://www.wiseheartpdx.org - and that’s to yell in NVC. Instead of yelling, for instance: “I hate you, you messed up.” I can yell, “I’m feeling really angry!”
Sounds simplistic, but it works.
Thanks for bringing this up, Dave. It’s an inspiring reminder to realize that something I struggled with for so long, now feels healthy.
March 31st, 2007 at 11:18 am
Hey Mark - thanks for visting! Your experience is helpful in illustrating the point of healthy anger AND how hard it is for many of us to go there. Thanks you - and thanks for the link. NVC is a great model and I recommend it highly.
March 31st, 2007 at 11:45 am
You’re welcome, Dave. I can’t express how important- critical- vital- the work you are doing is.
April 1st, 2007 at 10:06 am
[...] Emotions happen. They are as necessary to live as breathing, and serve as great an evaluative function as rationality in the realm of meaning. Anger, too, serves a purpose, but like any other emotion, when carried to extremes is self-defeating. In Do you have good anger or bad anger Dave Schoof of The Disquiet shows how to tell the difference between the two, and some of the things we can do to convert the bad to the good. [...]