Helping you live in mid-life without a crisis
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What will you remember at 81?
I know you have heard the little visualization games like pretending to see your own funeral and watching who shows up and what they say of you. Or the exercise of writing your own obituary. These are good exercises, designed to get you thinking about how others will speak about you, the impact you made and what your legacy might be. You can then reverse-engineer these to create action steps on what you might do to create the outcome you imagined.
I know I have played with these daydreams and fantasies complete with melodramatic funeral scenes full of wails of anguish and grief. And moving testimonials of my greatness that became manifestos that changed the world. It’s kind of embarrassing, but haven’t you done the same thing?
OK, so that is about what others or society might remember about you.
But what will YOU remember?
When you have lived your live for all its worth and you’re starting the final chapters, what will you be reminiscing about? The deathbed cliche about not wishing for more time spent in the office bubbles up doesn’t it? Will you recall major milestone events? Major wins and accomplishments? Tragedies and mistakes? Will you play scenes over and over in your head, either to relive their majesty, or to somehow revise history in your mind so that justice and fairness prevails?
Rick from Shards of Consciousness wrote about an 81 year old man with Alzheimer’s. The man remembered 3 things:
“It’s a wonderful life. I get up in the morning; go to sleep at night. And in between, eat three meals.”
“The most important thing is, I have a family I love, and they’re loving people.”
“I have no regrets on anything.”
What else could one hope for? It’s like all of the noise and interference was wiped away and the essential qualities of a life well lived remained. I know personally how horrible diseases like Alzheimer’s are, especially for the loved ones. But I can’t help but be moved and actually inspired by these clear and simple statements.
If you could only remember 3 things from your life, what would they be?
Whatever you come up with, what do you need to begin doing or doing differently to make those memories happen?
Think about it and let us know by filling in the comment/reply form below.
And if you are struggling with what to come up with or how to make it happen, ask your questions here and I will be happy to answer them. This is often hard to do alone so feel free to ask for help.
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Tags: Life, The Disquiet, change, deathbed cliche, eulogy, family, legacy, midlife, midlife crisis
November 29th, 2006 at 9:19 pm
This story is part of the National Public Radio Story Corps project, and oral history project in the U.S. These memories are those of Ken Morganstern.
One of the reasons it hit home with me because in my day job I’m a social worker serving people who are elderly or disabled.
It’s hard to say just three things. The best I’ve been able to come up with are:
1. The moment I fell in love with my wife. (I could tell you the exact moment. It’s one of the clearest memories I have.)
2. Rocking my children and grandchildren to sleep.
3. Along with Ken, everything I’ve done, good and bad, bright or dumb, has led me to where I am. I wouldn’t change any of them.
Thank you for noticing the post.
February 22nd, 2007 at 10:12 am
The three things I hope to remebre at the end of my days:
1. The first kiss my wife and I shared when we first started dating.
2. The births of my three children
3. The simple pleasures we spent with the children: playing games, family meals, long conversations, the “I Love Yous” between us.
It’s all about family, nothing else really matters in the end.
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:31 pm
You are right - these are the things that count. Sure looks like yo know that - great items! Thanks for visiting,
Dave