Here is an interesting article I read on Nicolette Beard’s man-o-pause Blog (BTW, she has a great blog, check it out). In her article, she describes a new book that may be helpful:
My friend, Eliot Katz, author of Being a Strong Man a Woman Wants, wrote me to say that he’s now marketing his book toâ€¦Women! After several months in print, he realized that his main buyers are women, who give it to men with the comment, “This is what I’ve been trying to tell you all this time.”
So what exactly are women trying to tell men?
Here are five of Woman’s deepest desires:
Desire #1- Show leadership
If a man wants to have a good relationship with a woman, he has to show leadership. When he sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations. We don’t admire those who stand back and wait for others to solve the problem.
Some men avoid taking the lead because they don’t want to be criticized. They think they’re playing it safe but women don’t like it. A man should say, “I’ll handle it,” and take the initiative to find solutions. If he’s not sure what the solution is, do what other leaders do – consult some of the many sources of information available.
Desire #2 – Make decisions
One of the meanings of the word “manly” is being decisive. To be the strong man a woman wants, a man needs to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. If he’s reluctant to make decisions, she may resent him. Part of making decisions is understanding the other person’s views and being flexible. She doesn’t want someone controlling her, but she also doesn’t want someone who leaves every decision to her. A man who is afraid of making a wrong decision should ask himself: Who should make decisions – someone who isn’t afraid of making mistakes?
Desire #3 – Take responsibility
One of the meanings of the word husband is someone who skillfully manages his household. A manager takes responsibility. There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman for something that has gone wrong. He’s often still held responsible. People will ask him, “Why did you let it go on?” A man has to look at himself and see how he can change his own actions to properly handle similar situations.
Desire #4 – Be strong
A man who is strong is in control of his emotions – especially his temper. Blowing up in anger can seriously damage a relationship. If a man thinks he can’t control his anger – he should imagine that just as he’s getting angry at someone – the telephone rings and it’s his boss. Would he calm down? Pretty fast or he’d lose his job. Not getting angry doesn’t mean he accepts bad treatment – it means he calmly sets limits on the treatment he accepts from others.
Desire #5 – Be manly
Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one’s convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A man who is manly has courage to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear. Is manly strength a virtue? One of the meanings of the word virtue is manly strength.
So there it is. Maybe this can help clarify some of the tension and confusion around expecatations and roles.
What do you say?
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Tags: Life, Men's Roles, Podcasts, relationships, Resources, Women & family, Being a Strong Man a Woman Wants, Eliot Katz, men and women, relationship, roles