http://www.thedisquiet.com/newsletter/is-your-self-improvement-stressing-your-family/ A place for discussion and questions on articles, news and issues pertaining to navigating the unease in men's lives. Thu, 17 May 2012 08:22:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 http://www.thedisquiet.com/newsletter/is-your-self-improvement-stressing-your-family/#comment-304 Deb Sat, 03 Mar 2007 17:53:44 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/is-your-self-improvement-stressing-your-family/#comment-304 p.s. one more little thing re our changes impacting others... my almost 15 year old daughter deigns to cuddle with me about once a month, and always kvetches about how hard and bony I am, missing the soft pillowy mom of before, suggesting I get a fat suit, reminding me in a funny way that every change has some downsides, including for our circle. p.s. one more little thing re our changes impacting others…
my almost 15 year old daughter deigns to cuddle with me about once a month, and always kvetches about how hard and bony I am, missing the soft pillowy mom of before, suggesting I get a fat suit, reminding me in a funny way that every change has some downsides, including for our circle.

]]> http://www.thedisquiet.com/newsletter/is-your-self-improvement-stressing-your-family/#comment-303 Deb Sat, 03 Mar 2007 16:54:27 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/is-your-self-improvement-stressing-your-family/#comment-303 Excellent post, especially your four suggestions. I have found these very helpful in easing my friends, family and husband through my big changes... an ongoing process, ultimately involving a lot of talking at the level of what things mean to us. For example, when I wanted to leave a few hour later for a family trip so I could get some work done, my husband expressed some resentment that I had not chosen to skip my fitness class to create more work time, and was able to say, "I feel like your priorities are fitness, then us"... and I was able to speak to how fitness was what kept me sane, restored, healthy, and there for him and our kids for decades to come. I also learned to not be a zealot in encouraging others to also change my way, at my pace (my well-intentioned gift of personal training sessions for my husband went over like a lead balloon). On the other hand, being willing to invite others to join me or to be inspired by me rather than staying in their sourness of "it must be nice" has also been cool ... to acknowledge how it is indeed "nice" to be more true to yourself, and to welcome them to do so too. Excellent post, especially your four suggestions. I have found these very helpful in easing my friends, family and husband through my big changes… an ongoing process, ultimately involving a lot of talking at the level of what things mean to us. For example, when I wanted to leave a few hour later for a family trip so I could get some work done, my husband expressed some resentment that I had not chosen to skip my fitness class to create more work time, and was able to say, “I feel like your priorities are fitness, then us”… and I was able to speak to how fitness was what kept me sane, restored, healthy, and there for him and our kids for decades to come. I also learned to not be a zealot in encouraging others to also change my way, at my pace (my well-intentioned gift of personal training sessions for my husband went over like a lead balloon). On the other hand, being willing to invite others to join me or to be inspired by me rather than staying in their sourness of “it must be nice” has also been cool … to acknowledge how it is indeed “nice” to be more true to yourself, and to welcome them to do so too.

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