I receive a lot of emails from wives and partners of men suffering with their Disquiet. They are worried about their husbands and don’t know how to help. There are things they can do (see “What if I think my husband is having a midlife crisis?” part 1 and part 2). But what I stress as critical is for them to get support and do things that help nourish themselves.

Like any caregiver situation, the person giving the support often gets so drained they lose their ability to support. See the recent news article about partners of cancer patients suffering from depression.

So when your mate is suffering for along time - get support, either from a friend or a professional. And whether it’s a long run or just a period of unrest, get a massage!

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To continue the discussion started earlier in Part 1, here are some things you can do:

Ask questions, but in a way that helps.

It is important to open up the communication between the two of you. I am not going to kid you, this can be really hard. I know if my significant other starts asking me about what is going on, probing my feelings and demanding an explanations about something I don’t understand in myself, I am going to go underground or get resentful. I will feel the extra burden of feeling pressured. So this is tricky. How do you connect, show you care and are concerned, but give him room. Some tips:

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We have explored the personal hell that you can experience when the messages and signals to listen to your Disquiet go unheeded. The self doubts, feeling lost and questioning of purpose that toss you around in the middle of the night. And the messes in your life that can be created by taking unwise actions trying to dull or eradicate the pain with quick fixes or band-aids. Jumping into actions like rashly quitting a job, having an affair, leaving a marriage, extreme risk-taking and generally acting like an ass who is pretending to be 28 again.

But what about the pain and suffering to those you love? How does our lack of engaging our Disquiet impact our effectiveness as a dad?

Here is a rare chance to see that impact.

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The February issue of “Time For Change”

“Time for Change” focuses on different issues about the Disquiet. It’s like a coaching conversation in which I will work on a particular aspect and provide steps you can take to work with your own Disquiet. You can ask questions or share you experiences here in the comments below.

Please note that these monthly newsletter editions are not available on the Feed. So if you want to receive your own issue when it’s published, you can subscribe by filling out the form box on any sidebar on this site or by clicking here. You will also get a copy of the report from my ongoing study based on interviews with men around the world who discuss their Disquiet.

This month’s article:

Is your self improvement stressing your family?

Yes!!

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Announcing the Family Support Series™!

This is a new feature that is included in my two premier coaching programs: Engaging the Disquiet Coaching Program and the Empty Success Program™. As part of their coaching, my clients learn how to support their families while they go through some pretty significant changes.

In other articles, I have talked about the stress on a family when someone undergoes any significant personal change. Most folks don’t think that self improvement work like that found in coaching programs, deep spiritual work, therapy and other endeavors could have a negative impact. It can.

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Re-lighting the pilot light

Every once in a while, I receive an email from a man in trouble. He has read something here or in one of my articles out there, that really strikes a chord with some aspect of the Disquiet. Sometimes he is really suffering, has no money or resources, and does not know where to turn.

Here is what I generally recommend in these situations. Please note that I am not a health care professional and this is not intended as a treatment plan. This is a strategy to get unstuck when you have no resources. Click to read more and enter the discussion »

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