Comments on: 4 Tips for Dads with Disquiet http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/ A place for discussion and questions on articles, news and issues pertaining to navigating the unease in men's lives. Thu, 17 May 2012 08:52:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Pete Aldin http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-4237 Pete Aldin Tue, 25 Sep 2007 02:59:10 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-4237 I think this is a terrific list, Dave. It balances transparency with responsibility and demonstrates the personal (and wider) benefits of both. Our kids learn from us constantly and (while there will always be somethings that aren't appropriate to share with kids, they'd be a burden to them) when we habitually hide things - don't let them into our humanity and our world - we let anxiety fill in the blanks for them (poorly) and estrange them from us, not to mention teaching them poor problem-solving strategies. I think this is a terrific list, Dave. It balances transparency with responsibility and demonstrates the personal (and wider) benefits of both.

Our kids learn from us constantly and (while there will always be somethings that aren’t appropriate to share with kids, they’d be a burden to them) when we habitually hide things - don’t let them into our humanity and our world - we let anxiety fill in the blanks for them (poorly) and estrange them from us, not to mention teaching them poor problem-solving strategies.

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-1271 Dave Schoof Thu, 19 Apr 2007 02:21:45 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-1271 Brent - thanks so much for raising this. For some reason our culture doesn't allow for Dads to grieve this major life change. And it hits hard doesn't it?! I'm in the same boat - one in first year of college and the second leaving in one year and a half. There is a real loss of old ways but also new beginnings. There is a loss of a very familiar way of being a dad and a call for a new way. It means re-calibrating for sure. My oldest visits infrequently as his life takes hold. But you know, these times that we are together are amazing. Seeing him step into his manhood and how he is turning out is such an honor. And I am really dedicated to making the most of the time I have left as the "traditional" dad for my youngest. There is a grieving process so best wisdom suggests letting it all in so that you can process it. And begin to look for new ways to be a dad in their lives. And truth be told, I am already fantasizing about being a super -cool grandpa :-) Pls stay in touch and let me know how I can support you. Brent - thanks so much for raising this. For some reason our culture doesn’t allow for Dads to grieve this major life change. And it hits hard doesn’t it?!

I’m in the same boat - one in first year of college and the second leaving in one year and a half.

There is a real loss of old ways but also new beginnings. There is a loss of a very familiar way of being a dad and a call for a new way. It means re-calibrating for sure. My oldest visits infrequently as his life takes hold. But you know, these times that we are together are amazing. Seeing him step into his manhood and how he is turning out is such an honor.

And I am really dedicated to making the most of the time I have left as the “traditional” dad for my youngest.

There is a grieving process so best wisdom suggests letting it all in so that you can process it. And begin to look for new ways to be a dad in their lives.

And truth be told, I am already fantasizing about being a super -cool grandpa :-)

Pls stay in touch and let me know how I can support you.

]]> By: Brent http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-1263 Brent Wed, 18 Apr 2007 15:50:52 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-1263 In my case, I think the single biggest source of 'disquiet' is the fact that soon both my kids will have left home; my oldest has already been away at university for three years, and my youngest leaves in September. I've always been a "devoted dad", very involved in my kids' lives and interests. They have been the focus of my entire life for the past twenty years. And so I'm dreading the day, not very far away now, when they're both gone. I recognize that I will have to find something to fill my time, and to distract myself from their absence. But at this point I have no idea what that will be. Anyway, I'll keep reading this site, and hope that in time I will be able to look at this dramatic change in my life's basic rhythms more positively. In my case, I think the single biggest source of ‘disquiet’ is the fact that soon both my kids will have left home; my oldest has already been away at university for three years, and my youngest leaves in September.

I’ve always been a “devoted dad”, very involved in my kids’ lives and interests. They have been the focus of my entire life for the past twenty years.

And so I’m dreading the day, not very far away now, when they’re both gone.
I recognize that I will have to find something to fill my time, and to distract myself from their absence. But at this point I have no idea what that will be.

Anyway, I’ll keep reading this site, and hope that in time I will be able to look at this dramatic change in my life’s basic rhythms more positively.

]]> By: Engaging the Disquiet » Blog Archive » Help for men helping their families help them http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-1207 Engaging the Disquiet » Blog Archive » Help for men helping their families help them Wed, 11 Apr 2007 01:17:17 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-1207 [...] Most Popular Posts The top 5 myths about workplace stress (2009) 4 Tips for Dads with Disquiet (1241) The male mid-life crisis - it's no joke (928) Whatever you do, Don't do this (878) Using RSS (839) What are the 5 things a woman desires in a man? (731) The Secret to Staying Centered - No Matter What's Coming at You (648) What will you remember at 81? (620) How to Create New Year's Resolutions that Stick (618) Free Articles (584) [...] [...] Most Popular Posts The top 5 myths about workplace stress (2009) 4 Tips for Dads with Disquiet (1241) The male mid-life crisis - it’s no joke (928) Whatever you do, Don’t do this (878) Using RSS (839) What are the 5 things a woman desires in a man? (731) The Secret to Staying Centered - No Matter What’s Coming at You (648) What will you remember at 81? (620) How to Create New Year’s Resolutions that Stick (618) Free Articles (584) [...]

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-337 Dave Schoof Sat, 10 Mar 2007 16:15:22 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-337 It is delicate. I think spending some time reflecting and checking in your heart will help guide how much and how to say what we might share. It is delicate. I think spending some time reflecting and checking in your heart will help guide how much and how to say what we might share.

]]> By: Hugh http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-333 Hugh Sat, 10 Mar 2007 15:51:19 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-333 Hi Dave - This topic is one that I continue to struggle with at times. My kids are extremely important to me, and your article reminds me how acutely they sense when I'm happy, focused, content, or stressed, overwhelmed, befuddled. Fortuntely, they are fairly accepting most of the time - when not, it's usually a sign that we need a break. My youngest son has been a good role model in this regard, asking for help or time alone when things are too noisy or hectic. Sharing a bit of one's struggles is something that kids appreciate, I think, though how much to share and when can be a delicate matter. Still, the sharing can provide some relief in knowing that dads, like kids, are so very human! Hi Dave - This topic is one that I continue to struggle with at times. My kids are extremely important to me, and your article reminds me how acutely they sense when I’m happy, focused, content, or stressed, overwhelmed, befuddled. Fortuntely, they are fairly accepting most of the time - when not, it’s usually a sign that we need a break. My youngest son has been a good role model in this regard, asking for help or time alone when things are too noisy or hectic.

Sharing a bit of one’s struggles is something that kids appreciate, I think, though how much to share and when can be a delicate matter. Still, the sharing can provide some relief in knowing that dads, like kids, are so very human!

]]> By: Engaging the Disquiet » Blog Archive » Is Jack Bauer the role model for today’s man? http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-261 Engaging the Disquiet » Blog Archive » Is Jack Bauer the role model for today’s man? Sun, 25 Feb 2007 04:19:59 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-261 Related post - click on the link above. Related post - click on the link above.

]]> By: Engaging the Disquiet » Blog Archive » Help for men helping their families help them http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-253 Engaging the Disquiet » Blog Archive » Help for men helping their families help them Sat, 24 Feb 2007 04:14:09 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-253 More on this topic - click on the link above More on this topic - click on the link above

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-219 Dave Schoof Sun, 11 Feb 2007 18:53:20 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-219 LOL - Hi, Steve.  It is funny, the articles are different just same topic at the same time......great minds think alike LOL - Hi, Steve.  It is funny, the articles are different just same topic at the same time……great minds think alike

]]> By: Steven Aitchison http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-218 Steven Aitchison Sun, 11 Feb 2007 18:44:48 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-218 Hi Dave Strange, after I had posted my article I came across your article, I wasn't copying (honest lol). I love this blog and visit often. speak to you soon. Hi Dave

Strange, after I had posted my article I came across your article, I wasn’t copying (honest lol).

I love this blog and visit often.

speak to you soon.

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-217 Dave Schoof Sun, 11 Feb 2007 18:21:16 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-217 There is a great blog article from my friend Steven at "Change Your Thoughts" on being a better dad. <a target="_blank" href="http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2007/02/10/being-a-better-father/" rel="nofollow">Click here.</a> There is a great blog article from my friend Steven at “Change Your Thoughts” on being a better dad. Click here.

]]> By: Mindfulness Maverick http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-215 Mindfulness Maverick Fri, 09 Feb 2007 18:55:22 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/discussions/4-tips-for-dads-with-disquiet/#comment-215 I'm constantly amazed how much my daughter has become my teacher. This recent article says it all http://workingawareness.com/mmm/up-your-nose/ I’m constantly amazed how much my daughter has become my teacher.

This recent article says it all http://workingawareness.com/mmm/up-your-nose/

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