Helping you live in mid-life without a crisis
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Listen to one man’s disquiet - LIVE
Lyle Lachmuth Dave Schoof
You have heard me talking a lot about my new work with men and the Disquietâ„¢ in their lives. Now you have a chance to hear a man talk about his experience with his own Disquiet.
On Tuesday, December 5 at 1pm EST, I will be interviewing Lyle T. Lachmuth, AKA
The Unsticking Coach(TM) . Lyle is a great guy with an amazing life story.
He specializes in working with creative, eclectic, multi-talented professionals who are struggling with creating and living a life that fully expresses those talents. You can learn more about Lyle and what he is up to at his website: http://www.CreativeCareersUnleashed.com/
He graciously agreed to be interviewed publicly by me about his struggle with the Disquiet in his life. You can call in and listen to this free live tele-interview.
If you ever felt alone or isolated in your own struggle or if you are just curious to hear another man’s story, come join us. The interview will last about 45 minutes and be followed by an opportunity for any questions and comments from the audience.
You can ask Lyle about his experiences and you can ask me how I work with men and their Disquiet.
How to register: Send a blank e-mail to x to register and receive details of the call.
We hope you can make it! Lyle is an interesting character and I promise you a time that will be interesting, lively and contain at least a chuckle or two, even while exploring this important issue.
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Tags: The Disquiet, The men's study, be interviewed, interview, Lyle Lachmuth, midlife, midlife crisis
December 3rd, 2006 at 8:33 am
I have been hanging around or maybe I should say hiding out at my house, for the best part of the last 4 months. I built a new deck, re-did the bath in the basement and worked in the yard like a fiend, but mostly I have just done what ever I wanted. I have this free time now because in July I had to close my automotive parts distribution business and am in the process of filing bankruptcy on the company. (Times and markets change and the days of the independent are coming to a close)
My new found lack of career advancement or personnel goals is not the result of depression or even me being unmotivated the problem is I really don’t have any ideal what to do with the rest of my life. All I know for sure is that I don’t want it to resemble the first half of my life in any way, and I don’t know where or how to start. My wife wants me to go to work for one of the national chains as a manager, unfortunately she really does not understand that its not just a career question that’s giving me so much trouble at night its EVERY THING, I am frozen in place and until I make some hard decisions, I seem unable to pick up and carry on like a good solder
I have read your post and am happy to see that someone else shares my misery, just kidding.
I have enjoyed reading your blog this morning, and I am sure down the road I can take something from your writings but unfortunately right now it all seems a little overwhelming.
I read this morning that for males in a full blow MLC;
The average age is 46, I’m 46.
The average length of marriage is between 20 and 25 years, I’ve been married 22 years.
They are often empty nesters and the children live out of town, my 2 kids’ have grown and moved out of town; one to work, the other to University.
Major career up shake up; see above,
Marriage difficulties; In spades, I’m a failure because I have no job even though she has not worked a day since 1999, still its my fault that money is tight and she can’t feed her HNSC or QVC addictions, and her Mercedes is a gas hog.
The strange part about all this dread and desperation is; I look down the road of my life very fondly and if I died today I would tell God my life was a happy, fulfilling, and successful,
So doe’s this sound like a MLC? What do you suggest as first steps to finding my way back on a path for the second half of my life?
December 3rd, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Hi James, first thank you for the post and a warm welcome!
I am impressed at how well you articulated your situation and what it feels like. It certainly is a Disquiet. It is painful and more than a little scary when, as you describe, there is no real depression or direct cause – yet there is this sense of being lost, confusion and unease. Boy, I know exactly what you mean. I have experienced that as well as many others.
I think that when you are looking at a huge question like “OK now what do I do for the rest of my lifeâ€, it’s very daunting. So I completely appreciate the overwhelm.
You have asked what to do. Well, you are already taking a big step in surfacing it so that it is no longer humming in the background. Good job. Next, I think you are wise to go slow. Pay attention to that sense of overwhelm and give yourself some room around this. What I mean is don’t spend 24/7 trying to analyze it. Get out, do something (especially moving the ole body – it’s good physically and emotionally!)
I think it’s important to know you are not alone, so use this site as a place to begin to explore this.
When you are ready, come on back and explore the rest of the site, read the content, I invite you to get the report to see what other men have said and done about this. If you have the chance, check out the interview above. Hmm, I don’t want to overload you with lots to do, but this could be a map for next steps.
When I work with someone around this, one of the first things I recommend is break what seems like an impossibly big and daunting issue (i.e. what to do with the rest of my life) down into smaller chunks. Then, look at what the very next step would be.
Step by step, new piece of info at a time. At anytime along the way, feel free to post questions here, share comments, or contact me directly at dave@thedisquiet.com.
You are not alone and there is a path for you.
Best,
Dave
December 3rd, 2006 at 6:48 pm
I am not a man, but I think a lot about restlessness in life. I’ve always felt that way. The only difference is that now, at 48, I have a term for it: “midlife crisis.”
December 7th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Hi Rhea,
A lot of women have had this unease as well. What does seem to be unique, at least as far as what my study has uncovered, is that men tend to keep the unease to themselves, suffering in silence. Also, the unease tends to be directly related to the degree of success a man experiences in his work. A man’s identity seems to be directly linked to his sense of success in his work.
I think the term mid-life crisis describes what happens when we do not pay attention to our Disquiet, or try to learn what it’s message is for us.
Thanks for your comments and pls come back - often!