Helping you live in mid-life without a crisis
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Here’s a guy doing it!
Last week’s article about not waiting to live your life brought in a guest’s comment that really speaks to working with your Disquiet. You will see his post below.
Frank wrote the following:
I am flirting with retirement at the moment. I switched jobs from a high paying software development job where I spent my days in my cellar office, alone with no one to talk to and only an occasional call about “new software problems†to resolve… to something totally different - selling stairlifts. I meet interesting people everyday, do something that directly helps people. Clients range from the Rich and Famous (authors Steven King, Ann Givens Siddons) and a bunch of CEO’s that have more money than God …. to interesting and wonderful people who can barely scrape together two cents.
I’ve read more that 30 books on evolution in the past 24 months. I’ve bought a sailboat. Most of all I’ve joined an existing men’s group and started another, and find following the vicissitudes of another dozen males lives to be fascinating… and personally rewarding (got some good advice about how to handle some rocky parts of my life). MENS GROUPS a real good idea for a life-restart. I also belong to UUMen [Dave’s note: UU = Unitarian Universalist] and participate actively in the FORUM discussion group on www.uumen.org.
Essentially I used to live a trapped life of “quiet desperation†…. until I got truly desperate, realized we only have one shot at THIS (life)… and decided to make a change. Anyone can do it. Takes a bit of balls, but, we all have ‘em.
Frank found a way to navigate his Disquiet. A key point that I want to highlight is not struggling alone. He found support in a men’s group. That is a great idea. I often invite my clients to do exactly the same. UU Men is a great online group. For those who want a physical group, there are many out there. One of the best is the Mankind Project.
The second piece to this is it sounds to me like Frank disentangled the ideas of his worth as a man from that of his job. That is an important step. So many of us get our personal identities mixed up with our job titles.
The third piece I want to put a light on is taking action. Frank did not sit back and stew about his unhappiness or how life did not fit. I suspect a core value of his is to cherish the opportunity we have with this one life and not to waste it. He went into action. I bet if the Stairlift biz didn’t pan out, he would move on until he found the right fit.
Thanks Frank - you are a walking testimonial for the importance - and what’s possible when you work with your Disquiet. Bravo!
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Tags: Resources, The Disquiet, working with the Disquiet, mens groups, quiet desperation, retirement, uu unitarian universalist, uumen
July 10th, 2007 at 8:20 am
Kudos to Frank!
If you are a male, and you decide to quit your secure but hateful career (the one that is killing you) and decide to do something completely different (like lobster fishing or whatever) you are derided for having a mid-life crisis.
However, if you are a woman and give up your usual rut,something else happens. Let’s say you give up your insurance underwriting job to be a hanglider instructor. You are applauded for being brave, breaking the mold, doing your own thing, breaking convention, following your dream, following your bliss, chasing adventure, etc.. The list of accolades goes on. You may even get a write-up in the local newspaper.
July 10th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
An interesting perspective Kermit. I actually have seen both men and women receive interest and applause for breaking out and finding their path. I think the joke about midlife crisis is all the crazy things we men do to drug, distract or ignore the pain of not following our path. You can read more about that here and here.