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Is being tough or sensitive a forced choice?
Adding to the soup of men’s Disquiet is the challenge of mens’ relationships with women. There’s a fair bit of angst out there among many men over the call to be a kinder gentler man. Yet when some men try that, they are often ridiculed. In an earlier post , men talked about how today’s media frequently portrays men as wimpy.
This frustration carries over to what men think women want from them. Again, my observations come from the many interviews I am conducting for my study, The Disquiet Among Men.
Something really interesting popped up around all this. When describing how hard they have been working to be more sensitive and open, many thought they were losing touch with the tougher, stronger parts of themselves. There seemed to be a forced choice between being sensitive and being strong and protective.
Are these roles at odds with one another? Can we be both? Some men thought they were getting messages that women wanted one more than the other - until there was a crisis. One man described working hard on himself for years to be kinder and gentler in response to the strong urging of his girlfriend. Yet, when there was a dead animal in the garbage, he was called in the middle of the night to dash over to his girlfriend’s house to clean it up. He said he had to remember not to forget the “macho” stuff.
Do you see the call for being more sensitive, open, caring and communicative at odds with being strong, courageous and a protector?
How about you? Are you struggling to be both?
Can you do both?
What are you finding?
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Tags: Men's Roles, Podcasts, Resources, The Disquiet, The men's study, relationships, roles, study
December 8th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
What Is A Dad’s Role? (click here to leave a comment)…
This blog entry of Dave Schoof's discusses the challenge men find when balancing being tough, with being sensitive.
I have been seeing some of this in the realm of parenting as well.
I am convinced tha men and women, while mostly having the same …
February 23rd, 2007 at 4:17 am
Related article - click on the link