Helping you live in mid-life without a crisis
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Is a midlife crisis the same as the Diquiet?
No.
I get this question a lot. Here is what I think: If you have read anything here, you know the Disquiet is the unease experienced when someone’s life is off course from their deepest sense of who they are, their gifts and their calling. When life just doesn’t seem to be going right, there is a restlessness that runs pretty deep.
In men, it’s very related to our sense of professional and personal success.
If you listen and learn what your Disquiet is signaling you, it can be a very effective compass to tell you when you are on or off course.
But many of us didn’t know to listen and learn. We felt the pain of the unease and immediately took action to kill the pain. So we usually do one or all of these re-actions:
1. Jump into action to make it go away - we leave jobs, abandon marriages and even move. This comes from a hard-wired response to pain - get rid of it. Now.
2. Numb it. Drugs of choice: alcohol, drugs, sex, and even TV.
3. Distract it: Extreme sports, gambling, affairs, etc.
I believe this is where the midlife crisis comes in. When we do not engage our Disquiet, it starts to run us. Acting on it, drugging it or ignoring it is like pushing down on a water balloon. It will eventually squirt out somewhere. That is when it can get messy. Some of these actions are the fodder of the baby-boomer sitcoms. But it’s no joke when it’s happening to you.
The midlife crisis comes from not working with your Disquiet.
Does that fit with your experience?
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Tags: The Disquiet, midlife crisis, baby boomer, life is off course, restlessness, unease
April 23rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Or you could just start a blog and see if that might help?
April 24th, 2007 at 6:35 am
Dave, I think you made a great distinction there. The disquiet does not necessarily equal midlife crisis.
Stuart Baker
http://www.consciouscooperation.com
April 24th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
I’d agree.
And, it occurs to me at this moment… that perhaps we ‘cycle’ through periods of Disquiet.
That is, we may experience it and then deal with and settle.
And, then it revisits.
Thoughts?
Lyle
April 24th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Lyle - I think you are right - I found this in the interviews in the study. Many of the men who have successfully navigated it, speak to the Disquiet coming up at different times in their lives and it was a signal to pay attention and make course corrections. Many believed this is indeed a major characteristic of the Disquiet. For some, they actually welcomed the rumbles as a sign it was time to reassess and move in new ways. You are on to it!
April 27th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Lee: Heh, I done the blog thing thats for sure.
I even wrote A Personal Tao… But thats part of the fun of a midlife crisis is to use the energy of the situation for creation
A difference exists between the Disquiet and a Midlife crisis. I will add at times the Disquiet can be the bell weather marker before the storm. The stirring of the clouds to indicate the winds of change are close and near.
Some as indicated by Dave and Lyle are in tune enough with their nature to use the disquiet to guide them gently thru and around the whole process. However, I would guess due to social and financial obligations many people just ignore the disquiet more and more till it is forced into the crisis situation. The United States is a very crisis oriented society in this respect. Thats doesn’t help people either in learning how to listen to the Disquiet.
I will add this to your mix, you might enjoy it.
I wrote an article about Midlife crisis \ http://www.personaltao.com/tao/midlifecrisis.htm which you might enjoy.