Comments on: The problem with seeing it as a problem http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/ A place for discussion and questions on articles, news and issues pertaining to navigating the unease in men's lives. Thu, 08 Jan 2009 11:56:13 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Rick Cockrum http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1277 Rick Cockrum Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:30:50 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1277 Meta-Disquiet : I like that. :-) Meta-Disquiet : I like that. :-)

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1269 Dave Schoof Thu, 19 Apr 2007 02:07:11 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1269 Hi Lee - I am so glad. This reframe really helps me and my clients. Good luck with it! Hi Lee - I am so glad. This reframe really helps me and my clients. Good luck with it!

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1268 Dave Schoof Thu, 19 Apr 2007 02:06:21 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1268 Deb you are soooo lyrical! I love it. Meta-Disquiet...well said. Thanks! Folks, Deb is one kick-ass coach with a lot of talent. I am proud to know her. Thanks Deb for your additions to the conversation! Deb you are soooo lyrical! I love it. Meta-Disquiet…well said. Thanks!

Folks, Deb is one kick-ass coach with a lot of talent. I am proud to know her.

Thanks Deb for your additions to the conversation!

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1267 Dave Schoof Thu, 19 Apr 2007 02:04:09 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1267 Adam - Problem focus is rampant. And as you know when we take actions to fix a problem (in the life development context) changes are short lived. Lasting change takes seeing ion a new way and then taking new actions to support that new seeing. Ahhh- a prophet in a foreign land. Sounds like the crowd trying to burn out the thruth sayer. painful :-( Adam - Problem focus is rampant. And as you know when we take actions to fix a problem (in the life development context) changes are short lived. Lasting change takes seeing ion a new way and then taking new actions to support that new seeing.

Ahhh- a prophet in a foreign land. Sounds like the crowd trying to burn out the thruth sayer. painful
:-(

]]> By: lee http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1266 lee Wed, 18 Apr 2007 22:42:30 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1266 Love the idea of problems not being problems but guides! Love the idea of problems not being problems but guides!

]]> By: Deb http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1264 Deb Wed, 18 Apr 2007 16:29:01 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1264 yes! Meta-disquiet... freaking out about the freaking out, worrying about the worrying, despairing about the despair... it's like a puffed up layer of suffering we lay on top of the actual stuff... and so easy to get stuck in the layer, and never get to the core. I think one of the key things coaching can do is help clients, through our accepting, receptive, holding, listening stance, see and feel a different way to do all those things themselves... vs. trying to batten down the hatches ever tighter, take the batteries out of the smoke alarm, run for the hills, etc. yes! Meta-disquiet… freaking out about the freaking out, worrying about the worrying, despairing about the despair… it’s like a puffed up layer of suffering we lay on top of the actual stuff… and so easy to get stuck in the layer, and never get to the core. I think one of the key things coaching can do is help clients, through our accepting, receptive, holding, listening stance, see and feel a different way to do all those things themselves… vs. trying to batten down the hatches ever tighter, take the batteries out of the smoke alarm, run for the hills, etc.

]]> By: Adam Kayce : Monk At Work http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1259 Adam Kayce : Monk At Work Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:59:00 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1259 Hi Dave (and everyone else), This is a great point... the "problem-solving" methodology is so rampant in our culture, the majority of people I talk with don't even realize there's another way. The school of personal development I used to teach with was so ingrained in focusing on the problem, that when I brought the idea of positive-change into a faculty meeting once, I got attacked. Seriously! In my practice, I've found it's more useful, 99 times out of a hundred, to focus on "where you want to go," rather than just, "the problems with where you've been." Problem-solving can drive you nuts... Hi Dave (and everyone else),

This is a great point… the “problem-solving” methodology is so rampant in our culture, the majority of people I talk with don’t even realize there’s another way.

The school of personal development I used to teach with was so ingrained in focusing on the problem, that when I brought the idea of positive-change into a faculty meeting once, I got attacked. Seriously!

In my practice, I’ve found it’s more useful, 99 times out of a hundred, to focus on “where you want to go,” rather than just, “the problems with where you’ve been.”

Problem-solving can drive you nuts…

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1258 Dave Schoof Wed, 18 Apr 2007 11:36:55 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1258 Hi Tammy, really good point. I am glad you brought in the piece about conflict. It does get a bad rep because it's usually handled poorly. The irony is well handled conflict is good - for personal relationships and in organizations. Healthy conflict is the crucible of creativity, new ways of thinking, new actions, etc. Isn't it amazing how our tendency to make difficult or challenging issue a "problem"? I tried a practice for a while in which I had this phrase I said to myself throughout the day: "What is there is no problem here?" It was really interesting how that re-frame changed my relationship to the issue. I didn't get hooked as often and actually became more creative in working with the challenge. Hmmm....I think I need to write about this. Thanks! Hi Tammy, really good point. I am glad you brought in the piece about conflict. It does get a bad rep because it’s usually handled poorly. The irony is well handled conflict is good - for personal relationships and in organizations. Healthy conflict is the crucible of creativity, new ways of thinking, new actions, etc.

Isn’t it amazing how our tendency to make difficult or challenging issue a “problem”?

I tried a practice for a while in which I had this phrase I said to myself throughout the day: “What is there is no problem here?”

It was really interesting how that re-frame changed my relationship to the issue. I didn’t get hooked as often and actually became more creative in working with the challenge.

Hmmm….I think I need to write about this. Thanks!

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1257 Dave Schoof Wed, 18 Apr 2007 11:30:03 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1257 Lyle - yeah - I really like the temp guage metaphor. That is really helpful - I know when I spiral down into thinking more and more it's some sort of personal failing, that is a good indicator I am stretched too thin and have loss perspective. That would make a good practice wouldn't it? Asking yourself, "What is your temp guage and what is the "over-heated range?" Thanks coach! Lyle - yeah - I really like the temp guage metaphor. That is really helpful - I know when I spiral down into thinking more and more it’s some sort of personal failing, that is a good indicator I am stretched too thin and have loss perspective.

That would make a good practice wouldn’t it? Asking yourself, “What is your temp guage and what is the “over-heated range?” Thanks coach!

]]> By: Dave Schoof http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1256 Dave Schoof Wed, 18 Apr 2007 11:24:29 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1256 Thanks Evelyn! Thanks Evelyn!

]]> By: Tammy http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1255 Tammy Wed, 18 Apr 2007 10:54:27 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1255 Dave, this post is, as Lyle put it, spot on. In my world (dispute resolution) I see the same trap. We tend to think, "conflict, ugh, what a problem." And yet, some of the best companies and families have conflict...it's what they do with it that makes the difference. By reframing it as opportunity and learning how to work with it instead of against it, they manage to transform both the conflict and themselves. Thanks so much for this post! Dave, this post is, as Lyle put it, spot on. In my world (dispute resolution) I see the same trap. We tend to think, “conflict, ugh, what a problem.” And yet, some of the best companies and families have conflict…it’s what they do with it that makes the difference. By reframing it as opportunity and learning how to work with it instead of against it, they manage to transform both the conflict and themselves. Thanks so much for this post!

]]> By: Lyle Lachmuth - The Unsticking Coach http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1254 Lyle Lachmuth - The Unsticking Coach Wed, 18 Apr 2007 10:30:45 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1254 Spot on! I really like how you've explained this. The zeroing in on "if something's wrong... it MUST BE ME!" Great insight! How we really need to see it as an indicator... kind of like the temperature gauge on my old '86 Ford 150. As it creeps up, I need to slow down. Best, Lyle Spot on!

I really like how you’ve explained this. The zeroing in on “if something’s wrong… it MUST BE ME!”

Great insight!

How we really need to see it as an indicator… kind of like the temperature gauge on my old ‘86 Ford 150. As it creeps up, I need to slow down.

Best, Lyle

]]> By: Evelyn http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1253 Evelyn Wed, 18 Apr 2007 06:06:37 +0000 http://www.thedisquiet.com/the-disquiet/the_problem/#comment-1253 Right on the money as always! :) Right on the money as always! :)

]]>