Helping you live in mid-life without a crisis
Get post updates - RSS
This blog comes alive
I am repeatedly amazed at the power of the blog. In the 10 months and 110 posts, I have heard from people from all around the world. Almost 400 comments have been posted here. And I have received hundreds of emails.
The Disquiet has hit a nerve. People resonate with it. Men are nodding in recognition to their struggle with it. Women see it in the men in their lives.
One reader, Paul, sent me the note below. He gave me permission to share it:
Dear Dave
Wow! What encouraging words. Thank you so much. I have known for a long time that my life was incomplete. I have looked at, and blamed everything from my wife to the dog for the “bad†feelings that I have inside.I have a million thoughts flying through my head and I have until now not been able to separate them, or to group them. Your Disquiet among men has given me a platform from which to work, to sort out these raging thoughts.
The Disquiet according to you is more likely to affect successful men. I ask why. The answer I come up with is surprisingly simple, so I have to question its accuracy.
As children we are told by our parents, teachers and friends, “if you want to make a success out of your life you have to do this, that or the other.†Now assuming that we do not question what we are told we need to do, we will become successful. The recipe for success is no secret. Now in our mid-life we look at what we have, or have not achieved and realise that we are living our lives according to other people’s values. We are not living authentically. We have the big house on the hill with a view, the nice cars in the driveway and the not so perfect little family. (If we had only put more time into our family) According to society we have made a success out of our lives. The truth is that financial success is only one part of our life. We have not taken our annual holiday at the sea and enjoyed it. We have sat on the beach with thoughts about how to sort out problems at work, how to bring in that big deal or how to make our staff more productive. Hardly what anyone would call enjoying your life.
The boy who questions what he is told to do, to make a success out of his life, may well decide not to study after school. He finds employment, which is left behind him the minute he walks out of the door at the end of the day. He goes on his annual holiday and thoroughly enjoys every minute of not being at work. Why in mid-life would he have Disquiet? He may regret not making more of his life financially, but in his heart he knows that he has made a success out of his life!Am I on the right track?
GratefulPaul Ransom
Thanks Paul!
What do you think - is he on the right track?
Let’s keep the conversations and dialogues going. There is so much we can learn from each other as well as see that we are not alone in this struggle.
Popularity: 20% [?]
Email This Post to a Friend or Save as a Bookmark
Tags: Life, The Disquiet
July 29th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Hi Dave, and Paul,
It has been a while, Dave, but your “hitting the nerve” continues on.
I congratulate Paul for finding you and for walking into the adventure of greater discovery that he seems to be on. It is wonderful stuff.
I would add that there are also men (and women) who experience disquiet who never have experienced the life “success” that has been described. Their disquiet may well have kept them from achieving success by various standards. They may be caught in an un-named whirlwind of negativity that keeps them treading water, or worse.
What do you think? Would you include that picture in the Disquiet, the “something is not right” syndrome?
Thanks, Dave. I hope all is going well!
Stuart Baker
http://www.consciouscooperation.com
July 29th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Yes Stuart - dead on. I see three manifestations of Disquiet: The empty success that Paul speaks to. Also the Disquiet that comes when you know what your path is but it’s so far outside what our culture defines as successful that you feel like an alien. The third kind is knowing what you want and where you want to go but just can’t get traction.
August 2nd, 2007 at 8:36 am
Paul is right on the right track. Like Dave here said, becoming successful for the values of others is an empty success for you. Sometimes that can make you feel more miserable than a poor guy sleeping in a carboard box.
To feel successful, one has to think deep about what he really wants from life and then get to work to make that thought reality.
Sometimes, after I accomplish some of my goals, I find the road that led me to that accomplishment to be more satisfying than the achievement itself.
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Dave, if you only get one letter like Paul’s acknowledging the presence of the Disquiet you have made your mark. I see many more Blogs coming alive.
Ron
August 4th, 2007 at 7:39 am
Thanks Ron!
September 20th, 2007 at 5:16 am
Hi, Dave!
This is Paul’s wife (seperated). I would like to thank you for your website. I’m not sure how much you will have helped him, but I have seen a bit of light in his eyes since he has made the connection with you.Midlife crisis is very real and can destroy not only the sufferer but also those around him. It’s wonderful that more men are talking about it and sharing what they are going through. Now you know why we woman talk so much! Thanks again. Michelle
September 21st, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Michelle - You are most welcome. Thanks so much for the kind words. I am glad this site is helping.
Best wishes,
Dave